Life is good...

I spoke to a group of women a couple weeks ago and I was SO nervous! The ones I know from there, I've known for years.

It's weird when I was writing about Talents (see post below) I was thinking about how important I felt the message was and it's a shame more people, especially women, don't hear it. Then I chuckled to myself and thought, wouldn't that be funny if I got asked to speak at Women of Destiny? This is exactly what I would talk about.

A couple weeks after that I was in my friend's flower shop and she asked me to speak at Women of Destiny. I told her I would and we set a date.

My friend from CORE Groups came for moral support...I couldn't believe how nervous I was. My hands and voice were shaking, my mouth felt like I'd stuffed a few cotton balls in there, it felt like it was about 200 degrees behind the podium, and I kept thinking, what was I thinking when I chose to talk about this? Almost all of these women are retired...they aren't going to care about this. But I felt God wanted me to talk about it and I really ended up speaking more about myself and what I've discovered with the talents than telling them to go do it for themselves. My Grandma showed up and it made me even more nervous that she was there. I cried a couple of times-made sense since one of my talents is empathy-even if I was crying for myself. haha

When I was done, many of the women had some thoughts to share with me and I was afraid I was going to be critiqued but none of them were negative in what they had to say. Some of them cried during my talk too so maybe it opened their eyes to some things in their lives? God is in control of it and I prayed that He would have me say the words He wanted spoken to that group of women.

They meet every Wednesday and it was strange but I got a phone call Tuesday night from one of the ladies asking if I was going to go the next morning. I hadn't really thought of it honestly but she said she had some things she wanted to talk about with me after hearing me talk the week before. She has written a book about bargain hunting and how to cook healthy on a small budget (she had 9 kids so she knows what she's talking about). She wants me to look at it and possibly find ways to help her share it. The reason she thought of me was because I had talked about working in the halfway houses, shelters, etc. and teaching women there the basics of being in the kitchen. So many young women don't know how to compare prices in the grocery store etc. My talk opened up a door, it may not be for my benefit, but for the benefit of this sweet lady.

I'm glad I talked and I hope the next time God lays something on my heart to share with someone, I won't be as nervous and doubting of myself.

So many people are worrying about the future right now-but I know who holds tomorrow and I'm doing my best to trust in Him and not worry so much anymore. I think when we can learn this lesson, life will be so much better than we ever could have hoped or dreamed.

I am so blessed

I have been sitting here thinking about life and the mountains and valley's I've gone through to get where I am today.

There have been times in my life when I wondered if tomorrow would ever be better than today and times when I had wished there could just be no tomorrow because it just hurt too bad.

I am so glad that God spared me in those very dark and desperate days. I have not made the best decisions at times in my life, but I've been able to come out stronger and more independent than I was when the trial started.

I've allowed myself to wallow in the why me?'s. I am not perfect, I am just a girl that has been hurt, rejected, and longing to know what it is like to have all the pieces of my life fit together and just be that way. What could I do to make the world be mine for a time? what I didn't want to see is that even those people with perfect lives on the outside, had trouble or were hurting on the inside. Do they have the problems I have had? probably not. They don't seem to lack for any of the things I did like love, money (to live comfortably-not excessive), health, or just to know that they were the apple of someone's eye. But does that mean I am stubborn and hard-headed and have to be beaten down to learn or does it mean I'm just stronger because I've gone through it and I survived? I don't know the answers to the questions in my mind. I struggle and feel guilty that someone else is hurting and I can't make it go away for them...

I have been a very happy and blessed woman for two years now. There haven't been any mountains or valleys, just a few ups and downs that are normal for someone in my position. I have a husband that loves and cherishes me, kids that don't cause us grief (besides the normal stuff), a successful business, a nice home with central heat and air, and a desire to become a better person and most of all, a desire to better serve my Savior, Jesus Christ.

I am thankful for the pain and the trials that made me who I am today. I feel like I went through them, so I could appreciate the things I do have now and I pray I never take them for granted.