I keep putting off updating my blog because...well, I'm busy. There is always somewhere to be, someone to help, someone to visit, money to make, bills to pay...I don't get a lot of me time and when I do, I have spent it reading (mostly on the Kindle I won!).
I have so many thoughts running through my head. I don't even know where to begin. I need time interrupted to just throw it all out there.
I know some changes are right around the corner and change can be a scary thing but I think it will be good for me and my family, it will also make the days feel longer and leave me less time with Jeremey...but it would take a lot of financial stress off of both of us. I am looking at getting a job and on top of that, I have seriously been considering leaving the broker I am with in order to go with one closer to home. Quite possibly a guy here in town. It feels weird to say it out loud. I haven't even talked to Jeremey about it yet.
Dad died June 22, 2 days after father's day. I thought it would be a huge relief to have him pass, but actually with his death, he took the only thing I ever wanted with him and that was to be his little girl. I know that if I died tomorrow my kids would know I love them, but if I was told tomorrow that I had 3-9 months to live, my kids would KNOW I love them. They would not have any doubts as to how I feel about them and how proud I am. While dad was given a 2nd chance so-to-speak by living 18 months after the diagnosis, he still denied me my birthright...being his daughter. And while I thought it wouldn't matter, I burst into tears anytime someone talked about the death of another person. After Dad, 2 other people a week apart passed away that I knew well enough to attend their funeral.
Then dear Grandpa ended up in the hospital-he had 2 heart attacks, pneumonia, pulmonary embolism and kidney failing and was released to a nursing home for rehab a week and a half later! Strong man...grieving himself to death. Family came from all over and I pray he realized how loved he is.
My beautiful nieces have been molested by a family member. This makes twice for them having been violated by 2 different people. I am just sickened about it. They are as precious to me as my own children and my heart just breaks. I pray God will restore their innocence and keep their hearts and minds pure. The verse I've been claiming over them is Joel 2:25 'and I will restore the years that the locusts have eaten'. The girls aren't the only ones suffering...my brother is torn up emotionally and emotions are spewing everywhere. I pray God deals swiftly with the person responsible for the pain, lest we all lose our minds.
My marriage is wonderful. Jeremey kept making comments about the 3rd year being the roughest on a marriage. hmm well that statistic bit the dust with us. Yes, things have been hard financially, we aren't able to do much on our house, and the phone just isn't ringing much for either of us. I had a real estate deal that I had been counting on to get some things taken care of...my buyer lost his job and therefore, his loan. And I lost the only income I was expecting for the year. Things are rough but we have a roof over our head, food on the table (thanks Mom!) and healthy, happy kids.
Well I guess this kind of sums up the last couple of months for me...I am teaching VBS this week and I am asking God to show me things as well. It's funny with all that has been going on with our church, we adopted the verse Jeremiah 29:11. The verse for VBS? Jeremiah 29:11. I truly want God to work in my life...I know saying that usually triggers some sort of issue that we learn the lesson by working through...except for losing Jeremey or one of the kids, I don't know that things could get much lower-I do not pray to be like Job...should I?
This was posted on FB by Liz Curtis Higgs and I thought it so neat for VBS: For all who are seeking the Lords leading at work, at home, in ministry: "And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us: and establish thou the work of our hands upon us." Psalm 90:17
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
enough is enough
I watched the movie 'Precious' last night and was talking about it with my brother this afternoon. I said "You know, I know that I wasn't abused like that, so I don't know where my issues come from." He said, "Well, it's from the neglect from dad all these years." Wow, so he really has seen it all these years.
Dad is supposedly dying (again) and the amount of time he has is unknown because no body seems to know if he is dying or not...a month or so ago my stepmom called and chewed me out for not going to see my dad because he is so sick and they don't know how long he has. However, this last Friday he took my little brother and one of his kids fishing. I was at my brothers house with his other 3 kids and washing dishes when they got back. They didn't come in and acknowledge me, nor did I go out and talk to them. I asked my brother if he noticed and he said "yeah, when we were pulling in they (i'm assuming she) said 'I'll be surprised if she doesn't come out here sticking her nose in our business'". He told me his thought was "Sheesh, why do you have to be so negative all the time?"
I hurt so bad tonight because of this. It's the final straw ...
My half-sister Trinity will be flying up here this week for a week to meet everyone. Our stepmom told her that she hoped Trinity understood when they told me that they didn't want me around when she came.
my heart hurts so much...I don't know that I've ever been hated by any one person as much as they hate me. When I commented this to my sister, she said her boyfriend said he felt it was because they believe in a 'higher power' and I believe in God so they don't like me because of it. All I could think of was what it must have been like for followers of Jesus and the Scriptures that talk about the last days how it will be mother against daughter, father against son etc.
I'm just at a loss and so numb right now...at least I think I'm numb....it hurts so maybe that isn't what numb is about...my tears are dried up for now...
Dad is supposedly dying (again) and the amount of time he has is unknown because no body seems to know if he is dying or not...a month or so ago my stepmom called and chewed me out for not going to see my dad because he is so sick and they don't know how long he has. However, this last Friday he took my little brother and one of his kids fishing. I was at my brothers house with his other 3 kids and washing dishes when they got back. They didn't come in and acknowledge me, nor did I go out and talk to them. I asked my brother if he noticed and he said "yeah, when we were pulling in they (i'm assuming she) said 'I'll be surprised if she doesn't come out here sticking her nose in our business'". He told me his thought was "Sheesh, why do you have to be so negative all the time?"
I hurt so bad tonight because of this. It's the final straw ...
My half-sister Trinity will be flying up here this week for a week to meet everyone. Our stepmom told her that she hoped Trinity understood when they told me that they didn't want me around when she came.
my heart hurts so much...I don't know that I've ever been hated by any one person as much as they hate me. When I commented this to my sister, she said her boyfriend said he felt it was because they believe in a 'higher power' and I believe in God so they don't like me because of it. All I could think of was what it must have been like for followers of Jesus and the Scriptures that talk about the last days how it will be mother against daughter, father against son etc.
I'm just at a loss and so numb right now...at least I think I'm numb....it hurts so maybe that isn't what numb is about...my tears are dried up for now...
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
listen to yourself
I am not spending a lot of time on my blogs lately. It's not that I don't have a ton of stuff rolling around in my head that I would like to just sit down and let go of, sometimes I just wonder if once I start, will I be able to quit?
I guess the biggest issue for us right now is financial. The economy has hit us both where it hurts. I guess so many Realtors are ok because they have a spouse with a paying job. Not another self-employed person. I think we've done great and our tax return says we had an excellent year last year...the momentum has just not carried over to this year.
I have one house sold, I definitely need to make new contacts and get more customers. I've been going to the office 3-4 days a week which has helped because I have no home distractions and I'm learning SO much. The conundrum at this point is how do I turn what I am learning into making money?
The second biggest issue is our beloved pastor. He is being fired (by the higher ups) from our church because of his Biblical stance on a pretty heated issue: homosexuality. this is the most confusing thing I've ever had to deal with as an adult in church. the Bible states very clearly where we should stand and yet a minister is being removed from his position because of it. A sign of the last days? A sign of the wicked and depraved society we live in? I am proud he is not faltering but I am so sad we will be losing a man and his family that we have grown to love dearly. There are a few options, but only one lets us keep our pastor and that would be to rent a space somewhere else to have church and hope we can bring in enough money every month to pay him a salary. That may not be what God has in store for our church, our family, or even Reverend Gene and his family however, and I think that may be the hardest part to swallow in all of this.
Physically, I'm suffering quite a bit lately. I can't walk 3 blocks without having an asthma-like attack. I actually used Lexi's inhaler tonight because i couldn't catch my breath. I'm still coughing and I didn't even DO anything physical this evening to get worked up. It's frustrating in my weight loss journey because I know that I need to exercise but right now, i don't know what is up and without money, I can't afford to go to a doctor...so I cough and try not to get too worked up...
I really need healing from things both emotional and physical.
When I was discussing things with a gentleman at church I said "how would we pay a salary..." and he interrupted me and said "God owns the cattle on a thousand hills, He isn't worried about that."
When I stress about our money situation right now, I close my eyes and visualize a cow on a hill chewing some grass. I see two things: God knows our finances, He knows what we need and He can give it to us, but the other thing is that that cow isn't worried about anything but what it's doing right now...and 'who can, by worrying, add even one day to his life?'
I guess the biggest issue for us right now is financial. The economy has hit us both where it hurts. I guess so many Realtors are ok because they have a spouse with a paying job. Not another self-employed person. I think we've done great and our tax return says we had an excellent year last year...the momentum has just not carried over to this year.
I have one house sold, I definitely need to make new contacts and get more customers. I've been going to the office 3-4 days a week which has helped because I have no home distractions and I'm learning SO much. The conundrum at this point is how do I turn what I am learning into making money?
The second biggest issue is our beloved pastor. He is being fired (by the higher ups) from our church because of his Biblical stance on a pretty heated issue: homosexuality. this is the most confusing thing I've ever had to deal with as an adult in church. the Bible states very clearly where we should stand and yet a minister is being removed from his position because of it. A sign of the last days? A sign of the wicked and depraved society we live in? I am proud he is not faltering but I am so sad we will be losing a man and his family that we have grown to love dearly. There are a few options, but only one lets us keep our pastor and that would be to rent a space somewhere else to have church and hope we can bring in enough money every month to pay him a salary. That may not be what God has in store for our church, our family, or even Reverend Gene and his family however, and I think that may be the hardest part to swallow in all of this.
Physically, I'm suffering quite a bit lately. I can't walk 3 blocks without having an asthma-like attack. I actually used Lexi's inhaler tonight because i couldn't catch my breath. I'm still coughing and I didn't even DO anything physical this evening to get worked up. It's frustrating in my weight loss journey because I know that I need to exercise but right now, i don't know what is up and without money, I can't afford to go to a doctor...so I cough and try not to get too worked up...
I really need healing from things both emotional and physical.
When I was discussing things with a gentleman at church I said "how would we pay a salary..." and he interrupted me and said "God owns the cattle on a thousand hills, He isn't worried about that."
When I stress about our money situation right now, I close my eyes and visualize a cow on a hill chewing some grass. I see two things: God knows our finances, He knows what we need and He can give it to us, but the other thing is that that cow isn't worried about anything but what it's doing right now...and 'who can, by worrying, add even one day to his life?'
Thursday, March 4, 2010
depression
How can someone be SO happy and yet sad at the same time? I don't know how to even explain the way I had been feeling last week. I'm not exactly over the funk, but for Jeremey's sake, I have to get over it.
I have to say part of it, or maybe it started because of hormones but even with that being over and done with, I find myself fighting this inner battle.
I'm selfish! Human nature right? A year or even six months ago I wouldn't have said that panic attacks are not about being selfish but guess what? they are. I think an awful lot more about myself than the next guy on the street. Why? Probably because I'm such a judgemental person myself that I think because I look at people and see their 'flaws', that people must look at me and comment on my flaws. My biggest (no pun intended) being my size and how big I am. I don't want to walk into a room because people will think I'm fat. Really? Do I really know what people would think about me, or do I just think that because that is how I would react that it must be how others think?
I'm also greedy. Nothing is good enough. My clothes aren't nice enough (but I don't want to buy anything else because I can only find fat clothes). Other people have nicer cars, nicer wedding rings, better hair styling skills...you name it, I'm dealing with it. Sitting around with some people the last couple of weeks all I could notice were the big shiny wedding rings the other women were wearing. It's not the ring but the marriage that counts so why did I feel so down about not having a big gorgeous ring? My husband loves me the way he does for me, and I love him for him, not for the size of the rocks on my wedding ring...
I'm cranky. I want my own house. My MIL is kind, and so very gracious to put up with us living here even this long, but I want to live in my own house, with my rules, my groceries, my hours, my washer and dryer...
I don't know how long it will take to get our house livable. It all takes money. In order to make money, we have to work and put in all kinds of hours. Then I get upset because Jeremey isn't home as much as I would like. When he needs 'guy time' or to get out of the house, I want to let him go with a smile and have him come home with a smile and be relaxed. It's hard to do when I'm stressed out.
I decided to not go back to school next term. I have done well, but I need to spend time with my kids, not a text book, I need to put in time on our business and my real estate so that Jeremey doesn't have to shoulder all the things that have to be done to help keep us successful.
I have also found that it will not kill me to walk into a classroom full of people I don't know. It won't kill me to stand in front of a group of people and talk. And I think much more about myself than others do...good or bad. I read a blog by a gal Janette Fulda. Her blogsite is titled PastaQueen and here is an excerpt of her blog from March 1, 2010:
The only bad thing about my current weight is all the time I spend thinking about what other people think about my weight. It’s a problem caused only by itself, like a snake eating it’s own tail. It’s a cyclical worry cycle, and I’m getting dizzy spinning around and around in my head all the time. I’ve wasted so many hours worrying about food, the scale, what I ate, what I should eat, and nagging myself to exercise, all because I’m worried people might be disappointed about how big I am if they meet me. Aaaaaaah!! It hasn’t been about about me and my health, it’s been about other people.
That’s why when I’ve gained a few pounds, I freak out a bit and feel like I should do something drastic, because WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK?! When really, I should just chill out, and get over myself. People don’t think of me half as often as I think they do, and people who judge me on my weight aren’t people I want to like me anyway. I should just get my slow burn on and take care of myself for my own sake, not because I want people I don’t know to like me. It’s so easy to make up a reason that I should be ashamed of my weight. At my thinnest, I worried I was still fat. Now that I’m fatter, I worry that I’m not thin. It’s got to stop. There’s no way to win.
wow, she said perfectly what I needed to hear. Honestly, my wonderful and honest husband said something along these lines the other night to me when I was being less than kind about going somewhere and being too fat. He got me to thinking about it and then I received this blog from a friend a few days later...talk about light bulb moments...
So the things that have been on the back burner are moving up to the front, I'm getting rid of a huge time commitment and will free up more time for my family and I can re-prioritize so I can get back on track.
I'm so thankful for an awesome husband that loves me in spite of the horrible person I can be...
I have to say part of it, or maybe it started because of hormones but even with that being over and done with, I find myself fighting this inner battle.
I'm selfish! Human nature right? A year or even six months ago I wouldn't have said that panic attacks are not about being selfish but guess what? they are. I think an awful lot more about myself than the next guy on the street. Why? Probably because I'm such a judgemental person myself that I think because I look at people and see their 'flaws', that people must look at me and comment on my flaws. My biggest (no pun intended) being my size and how big I am. I don't want to walk into a room because people will think I'm fat. Really? Do I really know what people would think about me, or do I just think that because that is how I would react that it must be how others think?
I'm also greedy. Nothing is good enough. My clothes aren't nice enough (but I don't want to buy anything else because I can only find fat clothes). Other people have nicer cars, nicer wedding rings, better hair styling skills...you name it, I'm dealing with it. Sitting around with some people the last couple of weeks all I could notice were the big shiny wedding rings the other women were wearing. It's not the ring but the marriage that counts so why did I feel so down about not having a big gorgeous ring? My husband loves me the way he does for me, and I love him for him, not for the size of the rocks on my wedding ring...
I'm cranky. I want my own house. My MIL is kind, and so very gracious to put up with us living here even this long, but I want to live in my own house, with my rules, my groceries, my hours, my washer and dryer...
I don't know how long it will take to get our house livable. It all takes money. In order to make money, we have to work and put in all kinds of hours. Then I get upset because Jeremey isn't home as much as I would like. When he needs 'guy time' or to get out of the house, I want to let him go with a smile and have him come home with a smile and be relaxed. It's hard to do when I'm stressed out.
I decided to not go back to school next term. I have done well, but I need to spend time with my kids, not a text book, I need to put in time on our business and my real estate so that Jeremey doesn't have to shoulder all the things that have to be done to help keep us successful.
I have also found that it will not kill me to walk into a classroom full of people I don't know. It won't kill me to stand in front of a group of people and talk. And I think much more about myself than others do...good or bad. I read a blog by a gal Janette Fulda. Her blogsite is titled PastaQueen and here is an excerpt of her blog from March 1, 2010:
The only bad thing about my current weight is all the time I spend thinking about what other people think about my weight. It’s a problem caused only by itself, like a snake eating it’s own tail. It’s a cyclical worry cycle, and I’m getting dizzy spinning around and around in my head all the time. I’ve wasted so many hours worrying about food, the scale, what I ate, what I should eat, and nagging myself to exercise, all because I’m worried people might be disappointed about how big I am if they meet me. Aaaaaaah!! It hasn’t been about about me and my health, it’s been about other people.
That’s why when I’ve gained a few pounds, I freak out a bit and feel like I should do something drastic, because WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK?! When really, I should just chill out, and get over myself. People don’t think of me half as often as I think they do, and people who judge me on my weight aren’t people I want to like me anyway. I should just get my slow burn on and take care of myself for my own sake, not because I want people I don’t know to like me. It’s so easy to make up a reason that I should be ashamed of my weight. At my thinnest, I worried I was still fat. Now that I’m fatter, I worry that I’m not thin. It’s got to stop. There’s no way to win.
wow, she said perfectly what I needed to hear. Honestly, my wonderful and honest husband said something along these lines the other night to me when I was being less than kind about going somewhere and being too fat. He got me to thinking about it and then I received this blog from a friend a few days later...talk about light bulb moments...
So the things that have been on the back burner are moving up to the front, I'm getting rid of a huge time commitment and will free up more time for my family and I can re-prioritize so I can get back on track.
I'm so thankful for an awesome husband that loves me in spite of the horrible person I can be...
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
New creation
I am so very happy. I am not jealous of happily-married women anymore, because I am one. The other day I came home to find a dozen roses, just because. When I stressed out about having another full day of laundry in front of me on top of my homework, he took it all to the laundromat and did every bit of it.
I am living the life I dreamed of but thought it would always be a dream. So now, on to the demon I have fought the most...my weight.
It's kind of weird that I always thought i wouldn't be happy unless I was skinny. Hmmm I'm definitely not skinny and am completely happy. I'm not as critical of myself in my clothes (out is still another story lol), I'm more confident in my abilities and I don't consider myself ugly or stupid, because of my weight.
In church the other day, my mind kind of wandered during the childrens time about my weight battle. Before I knew it, Pastor was up there getting ready to start his sermon. Our theme verse for the year is 2 Corinthians 5:17-21. Pastor started talking about how salvation is like Extreme Makeover: when the bus moves out of the way, there is a new 'creation' or building and there is no mortgage because God paid it all. verse 17 is 'If any man is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come.' How appropriate (I don't think He would mind the analogy). I want to be the new creation but the outside doesn't matter as much as the inside does. And the inside is where it matters if you are 'old' or 'new'.
I am living the life I dreamed of but thought it would always be a dream. So now, on to the demon I have fought the most...my weight.
It's kind of weird that I always thought i wouldn't be happy unless I was skinny. Hmmm I'm definitely not skinny and am completely happy. I'm not as critical of myself in my clothes (out is still another story lol), I'm more confident in my abilities and I don't consider myself ugly or stupid, because of my weight.
In church the other day, my mind kind of wandered during the childrens time about my weight battle. Before I knew it, Pastor was up there getting ready to start his sermon. Our theme verse for the year is 2 Corinthians 5:17-21. Pastor started talking about how salvation is like Extreme Makeover: when the bus moves out of the way, there is a new 'creation' or building and there is no mortgage because God paid it all. verse 17 is 'If any man is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come.' How appropriate (I don't think He would mind the analogy). I want to be the new creation but the outside doesn't matter as much as the inside does. And the inside is where it matters if you are 'old' or 'new'.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
happy
I get made fun of on Facebook because I post about being happy and how fantastic being in love is. I don't get it. If I was miserable would more people commiserate with me and not be so negative? I know I haven't had the worst life, but I haven't had the easiest either. I'm finally happy, proud of who I am and what I've done...why can't I share that without people commenting in the negative?
I just laugh when they say oh I'm just kidding or whatever but honestly, I've stood by and watched others be happy for 30 years...it's my turn to be happy, why can't I express it? Anyways, it's probably a waste of time to get upset about it, but I do.
I have started school again. Tomorrow is my last day of week 2 and I have survived so far. Although this English class may be the death of a decent GPA for me. We are writing one essay a week (give or take)...I think that's 8 more essays. We turn in our first one Wednesday (because Monday is a holiday) and I'm a little nervous. So far we've only done one introduction essay and she marked it up pretty good with comma's, but didn't really make comments as to my content. Maybe because she couldn't really dispute that I'm a mom of 4 kids and live a busy, hectic life? I had to stop myself from writing lol or haha in my essay. I'm not the oldest person in either of my classes by quite a bit, which was a concern for me going in. I think I'll do ok this term. I plan on going Spring and Summer but we'll see how business is for our biz and my real estate. I don't have a time limit on when I have to have a degree by, but I don't want years to go between classes and forget what I learned either.
I'm really enjoying it though I am so busy I sometimes don't know if I'm coming or going, it's a great experience and I'm proud of myself for doing it. Three years ago this would have been a major panic attack invoking type of thing to do...
I re-joined Weight Watchers again. I know it works, I just have to do it. I can't do it on my own or I wouldn't keep gaining the weight back. I'm grateful for a husband that encourages me when I need it both by suggesting/cooking healthy options and commenting when he notices a loss as well as that he loves me the way I am, even if I don't lose. Haha, in fact, this is how much he loves me: the other night I asked him if he would be willing to eat 1 new WW meal that I prepare from a recipe off the website or in the magazine. He just looked at me for a few minutes and then said begrudgingly, "I guess I could do that once a week or two..." TRUE LOVE! Anyways, my first official weigh-in (WI from here on out) was a loss of 3.6lbs. I was on cloud 9 of course!
Saturday Jeremey and I had a talk about my priorities as far as school and work and family. I have a lot on my plate and he wanted to see where I was with everything. I have real estate clients but I don't feel like I can pursue them like I want to because I have no where to work (and a couple other things). He said he would solve that for me. We have a nice kerosene heater at our house and he is going to set up what will eventually be our bedroom into an office for me with printer etc so I can go over there, turn on the heater, and work as long as I need. The only thing I'll be missing is a toilet and since I'm doing my best to drink 64 oz of water a day, I will probably have to take breaks and run up to Grandma's house, 2 blocks up the street.
I don't know that I've ever had so many balls in the air at one time and yet been so content and happy with where I was in life. I've been reading my devotional and sometimes I find a point or scripture that applies to all aspects of life, including weight loss. Tonight I read Romans 8:9-11 NKJV But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His. 10 And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. As my devotional pointed out, Sin needs never to control us again. Gluttony is sin. plain and simple. It is true there are worse things to be addicted to, but if we are addicted to something, we are slave to whatever it is. Because of Jesus Christ's sacrifice, we were set free and that isn't just for smoking, drugs, alcohol or sex, but food and anything we have allowed to control us at any time.
Somedays the ultimate theme of my prayers will be for God to take the temptation of whatever food is calling my name but I pray as I strive to become more like Him, food will be for nourishment of my body, not to punish it.
I just laugh when they say oh I'm just kidding or whatever but honestly, I've stood by and watched others be happy for 30 years...it's my turn to be happy, why can't I express it? Anyways, it's probably a waste of time to get upset about it, but I do.
I have started school again. Tomorrow is my last day of week 2 and I have survived so far. Although this English class may be the death of a decent GPA for me. We are writing one essay a week (give or take)...I think that's 8 more essays. We turn in our first one Wednesday (because Monday is a holiday) and I'm a little nervous. So far we've only done one introduction essay and she marked it up pretty good with comma's, but didn't really make comments as to my content. Maybe because she couldn't really dispute that I'm a mom of 4 kids and live a busy, hectic life? I had to stop myself from writing lol or haha in my essay. I'm not the oldest person in either of my classes by quite a bit, which was a concern for me going in. I think I'll do ok this term. I plan on going Spring and Summer but we'll see how business is for our biz and my real estate. I don't have a time limit on when I have to have a degree by, but I don't want years to go between classes and forget what I learned either.
I'm really enjoying it though I am so busy I sometimes don't know if I'm coming or going, it's a great experience and I'm proud of myself for doing it. Three years ago this would have been a major panic attack invoking type of thing to do...
I re-joined Weight Watchers again. I know it works, I just have to do it. I can't do it on my own or I wouldn't keep gaining the weight back. I'm grateful for a husband that encourages me when I need it both by suggesting/cooking healthy options and commenting when he notices a loss as well as that he loves me the way I am, even if I don't lose. Haha, in fact, this is how much he loves me: the other night I asked him if he would be willing to eat 1 new WW meal that I prepare from a recipe off the website or in the magazine. He just looked at me for a few minutes and then said begrudgingly, "I guess I could do that once a week or two..." TRUE LOVE! Anyways, my first official weigh-in (WI from here on out) was a loss of 3.6lbs. I was on cloud 9 of course!
Saturday Jeremey and I had a talk about my priorities as far as school and work and family. I have a lot on my plate and he wanted to see where I was with everything. I have real estate clients but I don't feel like I can pursue them like I want to because I have no where to work (and a couple other things). He said he would solve that for me. We have a nice kerosene heater at our house and he is going to set up what will eventually be our bedroom into an office for me with printer etc so I can go over there, turn on the heater, and work as long as I need. The only thing I'll be missing is a toilet and since I'm doing my best to drink 64 oz of water a day, I will probably have to take breaks and run up to Grandma's house, 2 blocks up the street.
I don't know that I've ever had so many balls in the air at one time and yet been so content and happy with where I was in life. I've been reading my devotional and sometimes I find a point or scripture that applies to all aspects of life, including weight loss. Tonight I read Romans 8:9-11 NKJV But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His. 10 And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. As my devotional pointed out, Sin needs never to control us again. Gluttony is sin. plain and simple. It is true there are worse things to be addicted to, but if we are addicted to something, we are slave to whatever it is. Because of Jesus Christ's sacrifice, we were set free and that isn't just for smoking, drugs, alcohol or sex, but food and anything we have allowed to control us at any time.
Somedays the ultimate theme of my prayers will be for God to take the temptation of whatever food is calling my name but I pray as I strive to become more like Him, food will be for nourishment of my body, not to punish it.
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