I keep putting off updating my blog because...well, I'm busy. There is always somewhere to be, someone to help, someone to visit, money to make, bills to pay...I don't get a lot of me time and when I do, I have spent it reading (mostly on the Kindle I won!).
I have so many thoughts running through my head. I don't even know where to begin. I need time interrupted to just throw it all out there.
I know some changes are right around the corner and change can be a scary thing but I think it will be good for me and my family, it will also make the days feel longer and leave me less time with Jeremey...but it would take a lot of financial stress off of both of us. I am looking at getting a job and on top of that, I have seriously been considering leaving the broker I am with in order to go with one closer to home. Quite possibly a guy here in town. It feels weird to say it out loud. I haven't even talked to Jeremey about it yet.
Dad died June 22, 2 days after father's day. I thought it would be a huge relief to have him pass, but actually with his death, he took the only thing I ever wanted with him and that was to be his little girl. I know that if I died tomorrow my kids would know I love them, but if I was told tomorrow that I had 3-9 months to live, my kids would KNOW I love them. They would not have any doubts as to how I feel about them and how proud I am. While dad was given a 2nd chance so-to-speak by living 18 months after the diagnosis, he still denied me my birthright...being his daughter. And while I thought it wouldn't matter, I burst into tears anytime someone talked about the death of another person. After Dad, 2 other people a week apart passed away that I knew well enough to attend their funeral.
Then dear Grandpa ended up in the hospital-he had 2 heart attacks, pneumonia, pulmonary embolism and kidney failing and was released to a nursing home for rehab a week and a half later! Strong man...grieving himself to death. Family came from all over and I pray he realized how loved he is.
My beautiful nieces have been molested by a family member. This makes twice for them having been violated by 2 different people. I am just sickened about it. They are as precious to me as my own children and my heart just breaks. I pray God will restore their innocence and keep their hearts and minds pure. The verse I've been claiming over them is Joel 2:25 'and I will restore the years that the locusts have eaten'. The girls aren't the only ones suffering...my brother is torn up emotionally and emotions are spewing everywhere. I pray God deals swiftly with the person responsible for the pain, lest we all lose our minds.
My marriage is wonderful. Jeremey kept making comments about the 3rd year being the roughest on a marriage. hmm well that statistic bit the dust with us. Yes, things have been hard financially, we aren't able to do much on our house, and the phone just isn't ringing much for either of us. I had a real estate deal that I had been counting on to get some things taken care of...my buyer lost his job and therefore, his loan. And I lost the only income I was expecting for the year. Things are rough but we have a roof over our head, food on the table (thanks Mom!) and healthy, happy kids.
Well I guess this kind of sums up the last couple of months for me...I am teaching VBS this week and I am asking God to show me things as well. It's funny with all that has been going on with our church, we adopted the verse Jeremiah 29:11. The verse for VBS? Jeremiah 29:11. I truly want God to work in my life...I know saying that usually triggers some sort of issue that we learn the lesson by working through...except for losing Jeremey or one of the kids, I don't know that things could get much lower-I do not pray to be like Job...should I?
This was posted on FB by Liz Curtis Higgs and I thought it so neat for VBS: For all who are seeking the Lords leading at work, at home, in ministry: "And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us: and establish thou the work of our hands upon us." Psalm 90:17
