I watched the movie 'Precious' last night and was talking about it with my brother this afternoon. I said "You know, I know that I wasn't abused like that, so I don't know where my issues come from." He said, "Well, it's from the neglect from dad all these years." Wow, so he really has seen it all these years.
Dad is supposedly dying (again) and the amount of time he has is unknown because no body seems to know if he is dying or not...a month or so ago my stepmom called and chewed me out for not going to see my dad because he is so sick and they don't know how long he has. However, this last Friday he took my little brother and one of his kids fishing. I was at my brothers house with his other 3 kids and washing dishes when they got back. They didn't come in and acknowledge me, nor did I go out and talk to them. I asked my brother if he noticed and he said "yeah, when we were pulling in they (i'm assuming she) said 'I'll be surprised if she doesn't come out here sticking her nose in our business'". He told me his thought was "Sheesh, why do you have to be so negative all the time?"
I hurt so bad tonight because of this. It's the final straw ...
My half-sister Trinity will be flying up here this week for a week to meet everyone. Our stepmom told her that she hoped Trinity understood when they told me that they didn't want me around when she came.
my heart hurts so much...I don't know that I've ever been hated by any one person as much as they hate me. When I commented this to my sister, she said her boyfriend said he felt it was because they believe in a 'higher power' and I believe in God so they don't like me because of it. All I could think of was what it must have been like for followers of Jesus and the Scriptures that talk about the last days how it will be mother against daughter, father against son etc.
I'm just at a loss and so numb right now...at least I think I'm numb....it hurts so maybe that isn't what numb is about...my tears are dried up for now...
