Matthew 25:14-30 (all Scripture references taken from NKJV) is the parable Jesus told about the talents.
Growing up we were told to think of these talents as money and many versions call them money.
Servant 1 was given 5 talents. Servant 2 was given 2 talents. Servant 3 was given 1 talent. Verse 15 says "to each according to his own ability: and immediately he went on a journey".
We read that Servant 1 went and 'traded' with them and made another five talents. Servant 2 went and 'traded' with them and made another 2 talents. But Servant 3 went and dug a hole in the ground and 'hid' the one talent.
Servants 1 and 2. Trusted with much, given much, and earned more.
What was it about them that they got more? Were they better looking? Skinny/Fat? Younger/Older? From a better lineage? No...they weren't given those talents because of any of that. They were given them according to their ability.
But I think there is more to this parable than money. Talent. Let's just say I put this parable in my own words and thoughts:
Jesus, my master, gave me talents that he built into my character. He went away for a long time, but he will return and want to know what I have done with the talents he gave me. Did I use them for building up the Kingdom, or did I bury and hide it because I was afraid, embarrassed, too shy, too hurt??
When God created me, he knew the kind of person I would be. He didn't give me the talent of athleticism, I'll never be in the WNBA , but it also isn't a desire of mine to be such.
I used to think that I was just a product of my environment and maybe I am to a degree. But being organized wasn't learned at home as much as it was vital to have when I entered the workforce as an administrative assistant. Is that a talent? I'm organized? To people who just can't get through the clutter in their garage, their closet, their head...yeah, it would be a great talent. Is crying during a missionary's slide show of children in poverty a talent? No, but having empathy for others makes me a caring person, a great wife, mom, sister, daughter and a better citizen. It helps me in my work to be able to put myself in another person's shoes and understand what they are feeling when they are learning something new. Does the fact that I like to learn seem like a talent? Not in and of itself, but I have a photographic memory too and I learn so many things and I love to share those things with others, from how to interview for a job, recipes, even sharing a great brand of jeans for another lovely large lady ;-).
Servant 1 traded his talents...he USED the talents the master gave him and by doing so, he developed even MORE talents!
I always thought that these things about me were just what makes me me...and guess what? They DO! So now back to the parable. Jesus will return to this earth and I will stand before Him on judgement day...when he asks what I've done with my talents...what will I tell him? I'm sorry sir, I hid them because I was tired of volunteering at our church and getting ignored, I was afraid people would make fun of me because I didn't know something they needed to know, I was afraid that I would get hurt again so I didn't reach out to that single mom that looked on the verge of losing her sanity, even though I used to be one and I know what she is going through and what she is feeling right now.
I never want to stand before my Heavenly Father and say I didn't use the talents He saw fit to give me. I look at the talents I have (from another study) and I am honored that He would chose ME to give them to. I have felt so inadequate in so many areas in my life! I may not have been the best earthly daughter, but I am a child of the Most High God and He created me with these talents and desires to please Him. I pray that I will not fail any longer in using the gifts He gave me.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Resolution
res·o·lu·tion (rěz'ə-lōō'shən) Pronunciation Key n.
1. The state or quality of being resolute; firm determination.
2. A resolving to do something.
3. A course of action determined or decided on.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth EditionCopyright © 2006 by Houghton Mifflin Company.Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. Cite This Source
There were other definitions but I chose the top three because they fit the 'feel' of this particular blog. Every year you turn on the TV or the radio and you hear about all the people who have made their New Year's Resolutions. You are encouraged to make resolutions-to take control of your life, to become organized, to lose weight, to get a promotion at work...why do these goals have to be set only one day a year? Can today not be seen as a stepping stone to making your life healthier, happier or more complete?
I did not make resolutions. I did make some goals. I thought about some changes I need to make in my life that would make me a better person come this time next year (as long as I follow through with them). I think the timetable of life that was given to my dad makes me think about myself more, it just happened to be at the first of the year that this came about. If I should get this same prognosis from a Doctor at the age of 54, what do I want my life to have been about? What do I want to count in the end? What will be said of me at my funeral? I will be 54 in 20 years and I look at my husband and kids and I know that I want to be here a lot longer for them, because frankly, twenty years is just NOT enough time!
My goals for a happier, healthier me are:
build better relationships with the people I love
take time to develop my strengths and talents and put them to use
take time for each of my kids one-on-one
to try at least one new thing (hubby would be thrilled if I tried kayaking with him this summer)
to take a healthy action and turn it into a habit (8oz of water anyone?)
to read and study my Bible more
join at least one women's group for support and friendships
These are not goals that will only last until March, these are lifetime changes. Some of these things are related to my physical health and others are to my mental and emotional well-being. Some of these things will even make the people in my home, happier too.
I know that when I get dressed in the morning and complain about my clothes being too tight, that I could eat less during the day, drink more water (instead of pop), and get in a little walk or some activity. I also know that when my day is done, I just change into more comfortable clothes and hang out with the tv or computer. Tomorrow, I will be just as upset about the tight pants but what did I do to make it better? It isn't just about buying bigger clothes. It's about making a change.
I don't want to go kayaking...I don't think. I think I have valid reasons: scared of water, can't swim well, too fat, embarassed about my size (and being seen in wet clothes), what if I fall out and can't get back in, etc., and yet I can also see that it would be fun to be with my honey all day, floating down the river, passing scenery you don't get to see from the road, the thrill of just trying something new and being able to say "I DID IT!". It will be worth it and I don't want to wait until I'm skinny enough to look good...that day may not come.
Carpe Diem! I want to move forward with my life from today, not when I'm skinnier, healthier, richer...today.
1. The state or quality of being resolute; firm determination.
2. A resolving to do something.
3. A course of action determined or decided on.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth EditionCopyright © 2006 by Houghton Mifflin Company.Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. Cite This Source
There were other definitions but I chose the top three because they fit the 'feel' of this particular blog. Every year you turn on the TV or the radio and you hear about all the people who have made their New Year's Resolutions. You are encouraged to make resolutions-to take control of your life, to become organized, to lose weight, to get a promotion at work...why do these goals have to be set only one day a year? Can today not be seen as a stepping stone to making your life healthier, happier or more complete?
I did not make resolutions. I did make some goals. I thought about some changes I need to make in my life that would make me a better person come this time next year (as long as I follow through with them). I think the timetable of life that was given to my dad makes me think about myself more, it just happened to be at the first of the year that this came about. If I should get this same prognosis from a Doctor at the age of 54, what do I want my life to have been about? What do I want to count in the end? What will be said of me at my funeral? I will be 54 in 20 years and I look at my husband and kids and I know that I want to be here a lot longer for them, because frankly, twenty years is just NOT enough time!
My goals for a happier, healthier me are:
build better relationships with the people I love
take time to develop my strengths and talents and put them to use
take time for each of my kids one-on-one
to try at least one new thing (hubby would be thrilled if I tried kayaking with him this summer)
to take a healthy action and turn it into a habit (8oz of water anyone?)
to read and study my Bible more
join at least one women's group for support and friendships
These are not goals that will only last until March, these are lifetime changes. Some of these things are related to my physical health and others are to my mental and emotional well-being. Some of these things will even make the people in my home, happier too.
I know that when I get dressed in the morning and complain about my clothes being too tight, that I could eat less during the day, drink more water (instead of pop), and get in a little walk or some activity. I also know that when my day is done, I just change into more comfortable clothes and hang out with the tv or computer. Tomorrow, I will be just as upset about the tight pants but what did I do to make it better? It isn't just about buying bigger clothes. It's about making a change.
I don't want to go kayaking...I don't think. I think I have valid reasons: scared of water, can't swim well, too fat, embarassed about my size (and being seen in wet clothes), what if I fall out and can't get back in, etc., and yet I can also see that it would be fun to be with my honey all day, floating down the river, passing scenery you don't get to see from the road, the thrill of just trying something new and being able to say "I DID IT!". It will be worth it and I don't want to wait until I'm skinny enough to look good...that day may not come.
Carpe Diem! I want to move forward with my life from today, not when I'm skinnier, healthier, richer...today.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Loss of a parent
I got up on a normal Saturday morning, did my 'getting ready for the day' routine, and saw that I had a voicemail from my little brother. I checked it and he said to call him when I got the message so I did. But then he wouldn't talk to me, he wanted to talk to my hubby. He didn't want to be the one to tell me that he found out the night before that our dad had been diagnosed with cancer in his liver and pancreas and was given 3-9 months to live.
I'm not sure how to react or feel and I don't know if this is normal. My dad and I are not close. We never really have been and I won't point fingers or blame...that is just the way it has been for 20 years or so. If this were someone close to me, I know I would shut down for a day or two and greive and then give them all the love and attention I can. I would make sure they know how I feel about them-how much i love them. The situation isn't really like that now. I feel like saying I love you to him is almost obligatory. I cried over this man for 20 years and thought I could finally say that's fine, I'm alright without hearing him say he loves me...and now he is going to be gone.
I'm sure he is going through similar feelings-what he could have/should have done in the past...at least I assume he is. Is it because that is what I want? Maybe he thinks it is perfectly normal to go years without speaking to your birth children. What do I want from him? I don't even know. He has nothing left to give, not even time and nothing he could do can bring back those 20 years and make them better~but there IS something I can do...I can forgive and quit focusing on the past and what wasn't.
Maybe because of the home he grew up in with no sisters and alcoholic mother, he really didn't know what to do with a girl. Was that my fault? No, but maybe he really did do the best that he knew how to do and when it wasn't enough for me, instead of trying harder, he pushed me away? His wife said that he said he loved me when I called the other night to check on him, but I longed to hear it from him a very long time ago. It took me a very long time to understand that he gave what he knew to give and it wasn't enough to sustain me. It really is ok now because I have forgiven him and I was ready to move on and just accept the loss. But now, the loss isn't going to be just emotional, but physical as well.
I found out over a month ago that he was sick, my brother called and said he wanted to see me and my daughter before going for more testing in another state. I debated going and talked to hubby about it. He said if I was going to go over there as a 10 year old girl expecting him to proclaim how he loved me and that he knew he screwed up, that I had better stay home because it wasn't going to happen. I took a couple of days to think about that and I felt like yes, I truly have forgiven him, I don't hate him anymore, I don't wish bad things on him, I accept that there is not a relationship there.
So I go visit Dad (a man I call by his first name to everyone but him) with my eleven year old daughter. His first granddaughter that he hasn't seen in three years. When we walked in their house, I saw this old man where 'dad' should have been. I felt pity for him. Pity that this is what a life of living the choices he made had brought him to. He is 54 years old and reclining in a chair with a blanket around him and a head full of gray hair. He was sick and asked for me to come and I did what I thought was the right thing to do. At that very moment, I knew I didn't hate him anymore. I had only thought that I had forgiven before seeing him, but one look didn't bring hatred or anger, but pity.
I cried for twenty years for a relationship, for him to love me like a daughter and not a distant cousin. now, he has literally, less than a year to undo damage he may not even know he's done. I will not hold those tears against him. I am a strong, independent woman because I had to be. I've never had things handed to me or smoothed over by my daddy...I can choose to look at our lack of relationship as a good thing for me, even though I blamed him for so long...I'm proud of the woman I am now (more or less) and I choose to let him live the rest of his life in peace, knowing he is forgiven and loved.
I'm not sure how to react or feel and I don't know if this is normal. My dad and I are not close. We never really have been and I won't point fingers or blame...that is just the way it has been for 20 years or so. If this were someone close to me, I know I would shut down for a day or two and greive and then give them all the love and attention I can. I would make sure they know how I feel about them-how much i love them. The situation isn't really like that now. I feel like saying I love you to him is almost obligatory. I cried over this man for 20 years and thought I could finally say that's fine, I'm alright without hearing him say he loves me...and now he is going to be gone.
I'm sure he is going through similar feelings-what he could have/should have done in the past...at least I assume he is. Is it because that is what I want? Maybe he thinks it is perfectly normal to go years without speaking to your birth children. What do I want from him? I don't even know. He has nothing left to give, not even time and nothing he could do can bring back those 20 years and make them better~but there IS something I can do...I can forgive and quit focusing on the past and what wasn't.
Maybe because of the home he grew up in with no sisters and alcoholic mother, he really didn't know what to do with a girl. Was that my fault? No, but maybe he really did do the best that he knew how to do and when it wasn't enough for me, instead of trying harder, he pushed me away? His wife said that he said he loved me when I called the other night to check on him, but I longed to hear it from him a very long time ago. It took me a very long time to understand that he gave what he knew to give and it wasn't enough to sustain me. It really is ok now because I have forgiven him and I was ready to move on and just accept the loss. But now, the loss isn't going to be just emotional, but physical as well.
I found out over a month ago that he was sick, my brother called and said he wanted to see me and my daughter before going for more testing in another state. I debated going and talked to hubby about it. He said if I was going to go over there as a 10 year old girl expecting him to proclaim how he loved me and that he knew he screwed up, that I had better stay home because it wasn't going to happen. I took a couple of days to think about that and I felt like yes, I truly have forgiven him, I don't hate him anymore, I don't wish bad things on him, I accept that there is not a relationship there.
So I go visit Dad (a man I call by his first name to everyone but him) with my eleven year old daughter. His first granddaughter that he hasn't seen in three years. When we walked in their house, I saw this old man where 'dad' should have been. I felt pity for him. Pity that this is what a life of living the choices he made had brought him to. He is 54 years old and reclining in a chair with a blanket around him and a head full of gray hair. He was sick and asked for me to come and I did what I thought was the right thing to do. At that very moment, I knew I didn't hate him anymore. I had only thought that I had forgiven before seeing him, but one look didn't bring hatred or anger, but pity.
I cried for twenty years for a relationship, for him to love me like a daughter and not a distant cousin. now, he has literally, less than a year to undo damage he may not even know he's done. I will not hold those tears against him. I am a strong, independent woman because I had to be. I've never had things handed to me or smoothed over by my daddy...I can choose to look at our lack of relationship as a good thing for me, even though I blamed him for so long...I'm proud of the woman I am now (more or less) and I choose to let him live the rest of his life in peace, knowing he is forgiven and loved.
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