I am not spending a lot of time on my blogs lately. It's not that I don't have a ton of stuff rolling around in my head that I would like to just sit down and let go of, sometimes I just wonder if once I start, will I be able to quit?
I guess the biggest issue for us right now is financial. The economy has hit us both where it hurts. I guess so many Realtors are ok because they have a spouse with a paying job. Not another self-employed person. I think we've done great and our tax return says we had an excellent year last year...the momentum has just not carried over to this year.
I have one house sold, I definitely need to make new contacts and get more customers. I've been going to the office 3-4 days a week which has helped because I have no home distractions and I'm learning SO much. The conundrum at this point is how do I turn what I am learning into making money?
The second biggest issue is our beloved pastor. He is being fired (by the higher ups) from our church because of his Biblical stance on a pretty heated issue: homosexuality. this is the most confusing thing I've ever had to deal with as an adult in church. the Bible states very clearly where we should stand and yet a minister is being removed from his position because of it. A sign of the last days? A sign of the wicked and depraved society we live in? I am proud he is not faltering but I am so sad we will be losing a man and his family that we have grown to love dearly. There are a few options, but only one lets us keep our pastor and that would be to rent a space somewhere else to have church and hope we can bring in enough money every month to pay him a salary. That may not be what God has in store for our church, our family, or even Reverend Gene and his family however, and I think that may be the hardest part to swallow in all of this.
Physically, I'm suffering quite a bit lately. I can't walk 3 blocks without having an asthma-like attack. I actually used Lexi's inhaler tonight because i couldn't catch my breath. I'm still coughing and I didn't even DO anything physical this evening to get worked up. It's frustrating in my weight loss journey because I know that I need to exercise but right now, i don't know what is up and without money, I can't afford to go to a doctor...so I cough and try not to get too worked up...
I really need healing from things both emotional and physical.
When I was discussing things with a gentleman at church I said "how would we pay a salary..." and he interrupted me and said "God owns the cattle on a thousand hills, He isn't worried about that."
When I stress about our money situation right now, I close my eyes and visualize a cow on a hill chewing some grass. I see two things: God knows our finances, He knows what we need and He can give it to us, but the other thing is that that cow isn't worried about anything but what it's doing right now...and 'who can, by worrying, add even one day to his life?'
