it's just the way He is...

I logged in here this morning to whine and vent. I even had to change my password for Google, it's been so long since I've been here. 
I have so many things in my life to be grateful for, most importantly, my faith in the Lord, then my amazing husband, and great kids. A roof over my head (even if it's not where I want it to be), food on the table, clothes on my back, money in the bank, a vehicle to drive, and friends. 


I was sitting here at my desk, absently playing a game, but mentally rehearsing a comment my husband made tonight about me getting a job. It wasn't that he said it, it was the way he said it. I took it to heart and decided that he must be getting tired of me. I questioned myself; what do I contribute to this family? What do I offer these people I share a house with? I do not contribute to the family income, I do not have any hobbies (except reading, not exactly a crafty thing I could sell for some income), I am overweight, currently in agonizing pain from a clumsy fall. I can organize chore charts like nobody's business, but with only three kids at home, likely the worst thing that would happen if chores didn't get done for a week is an overflowing garbage can, sinks overflowing with dishes, and we'd run out of toilet paper in the bathroom. These are things kids that are the ages of my kids, should be able to see the need to do, and do without needing a chart. 


So where is my worth? Where is my value? I have none. I am the dead weight here. And I kept replaying that in my head, looking for SOMETHING that would give me validation as a worthy person, a worthy mate and mother. I wonder if any of them would miss me if I were die or, if after six months, it would be seen as a relief that I am gone. 


And then I log into my blog. 


I read the last post. 


And then I know that even if I don't think I have value, even if my husband, kids, family, friends, and community thought I had no value, that there is One who does. He always has, and always will. He adores me when I can't stand myself. I AM valued. I am treasured beyond gold and rubies. I am of ROYAL blood, the daughter of the Most High.

He doesn't care if I can't knit a scarf, have never prepared or served an eight-course meal, have never traveled the world, can't change a tire, can't bandage a wound without feeling nauseous, or that I will never bring home a million dollars to our family account. 


He loves me anyway...and THAT gives me value.  I believe He prompted me to blog, so that I would read the very words I wrote just months ago about my gifts and that I would be reminded that to Him, I have value.