I get made fun of on Facebook because I post about being happy and how fantastic being in love is. I don't get it. If I was miserable would more people commiserate with me and not be so negative? I know I haven't had the worst life, but I haven't had the easiest either. I'm finally happy, proud of who I am and what I've done...why can't I share that without people commenting in the negative?
I just laugh when they say oh I'm just kidding or whatever but honestly, I've stood by and watched others be happy for 30 years...it's my turn to be happy, why can't I express it? Anyways, it's probably a waste of time to get upset about it, but I do.
I have started school again. Tomorrow is my last day of week 2 and I have survived so far. Although this English class may be the death of a decent GPA for me. We are writing one essay a week (give or take)...I think that's 8 more essays. We turn in our first one Wednesday (because Monday is a holiday) and I'm a little nervous. So far we've only done one introduction essay and she marked it up pretty good with comma's, but didn't really make comments as to my content. Maybe because she couldn't really dispute that I'm a mom of 4 kids and live a busy, hectic life? I had to stop myself from writing lol or haha in my essay. I'm not the oldest person in either of my classes by quite a bit, which was a concern for me going in. I think I'll do ok this term. I plan on going Spring and Summer but we'll see how business is for our biz and my real estate. I don't have a time limit on when I have to have a degree by, but I don't want years to go between classes and forget what I learned either.
I'm really enjoying it though I am so busy I sometimes don't know if I'm coming or going, it's a great experience and I'm proud of myself for doing it. Three years ago this would have been a major panic attack invoking type of thing to do...
I re-joined Weight Watchers again. I know it works, I just have to do it. I can't do it on my own or I wouldn't keep gaining the weight back. I'm grateful for a husband that encourages me when I need it both by suggesting/cooking healthy options and commenting when he notices a loss as well as that he loves me the way I am, even if I don't lose. Haha, in fact, this is how much he loves me: the other night I asked him if he would be willing to eat 1 new WW meal that I prepare from a recipe off the website or in the magazine. He just looked at me for a few minutes and then said begrudgingly, "I guess I could do that once a week or two..." TRUE LOVE! Anyways, my first official weigh-in (WI from here on out) was a loss of 3.6lbs. I was on cloud 9 of course!
Saturday Jeremey and I had a talk about my priorities as far as school and work and family. I have a lot on my plate and he wanted to see where I was with everything. I have real estate clients but I don't feel like I can pursue them like I want to because I have no where to work (and a couple other things). He said he would solve that for me. We have a nice kerosene heater at our house and he is going to set up what will eventually be our bedroom into an office for me with printer etc so I can go over there, turn on the heater, and work as long as I need. The only thing I'll be missing is a toilet and since I'm doing my best to drink 64 oz of water a day, I will probably have to take breaks and run up to Grandma's house, 2 blocks up the street.
I don't know that I've ever had so many balls in the air at one time and yet been so content and happy with where I was in life. I've been reading my devotional and sometimes I find a point or scripture that applies to all aspects of life, including weight loss. Tonight I read Romans 8:9-11 NKJV But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His. 10 And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. As my devotional pointed out, Sin needs never to control us again. Gluttony is sin. plain and simple. It is true there are worse things to be addicted to, but if we are addicted to something, we are slave to whatever it is. Because of Jesus Christ's sacrifice, we were set free and that isn't just for smoking, drugs, alcohol or sex, but food and anything we have allowed to control us at any time.
Somedays the ultimate theme of my prayers will be for God to take the temptation of whatever food is calling my name but I pray as I strive to become more like Him, food will be for nourishment of my body, not to punish it.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
2010 already??
So I blogged last year on Jan 7th about my new life goals. Not resolutions, goals. They were:
build better relationships with the people I love
take time to develop my strengths and talents and put them to use
take time for each of my kids one-on-one
to try at least one new thing (hubby would be thrilled if I tried kayaking with him this summer)
to take a healthy action and turn it into a habit (8oz of water anyone?)
to read and study my Bible more
join at least one women's group for support and friendships
I can honestly say that I've done each and every one of these things. Maybe not enough that they are habit, but definitely more than I did before. We didn't go kayaking because we were too busy, not because I wouldn't so maybe this next summer (but we have to finish our house first!!).
The kids and I are all getting along really well now-much better than a year ago. The oldest is having "oh I'm leaving home in 2 years and every day is basically a countdown" thoughts. It's fun to actually see the maturing and growth before your eyes. So many times you look at your child and see them as 4 or 5 and you turn around and they are grown but I'm trying to really take the time to notice the kids and their individuality.
My beautiful cousin Rachael has won her victory over breast cancer this year. We got to see her more this year than any other year but she's been an amazing warrior and it's been a battle no one wants to go through-but if I had to, I pray I would have the strength and determination to make it through as good as she did. And she gets the great boobs in the end so I'm almost jealous ;-) Seriously, I love you Rachael and I pray 2010 will the most amazing year for you and your family.
My bio-dad somehow beat his terminal cancer diagnosis. His wife said it was the natural herbs and Native American healing rituals that she was able to cure him. I believe either Jesus wasn't ready for him to leave this world, or he was mis-diagnosed. This kind of cancer doesn't just go away, but I know his wife didn't heal him.
My marriage is as strong if not stronger than ever before. We celebrated 2 years of marriage in September and I can honestly say I've never known a love like the one we share.
We were able to buy a house this year. It's been a project and then some. We currently have no floor and we've had to remove some walls. We've had to replace some rotted floor joists but we'll be putting flooring back in soon, adding walls where we need to and then working on getting the rest of the floor done and walls painted. We might be able to move in at some point after that. :)
The kids are doing well academically and adjusting really well at their new school. Lexi is having the hardest time but I think it will get easier for her in time especially as she gets to know more kids here.
Our business is growing and is very successful. I sold 3 houses last year (unheard of for a rookie realtor in 2009 I think) and am actually looking for 3 different properties for 3 different clients right now. I could be happy with 3 deals a year in this economy. :)
My little sister is in beauty school and I had her give me hi lights the other day before Christmas. She did an amazing job and will be great at hair. I'm so proud of her. She also graduates high school this summer. I can hardly believe this little 6 year old girl that came to live with my parents 12 years ago could be such a cool and talented little sister.
It's just been an awesome year-not without tears and pain, but I feel blessed to be saying goodbye in one piece and I am anxious for the new year to begin. I am starting school Monday, with the plan to get a degree. I will get a 2 year here and then transfer for my 4 year to another college that I could do online or satellite. I'm just worried about getting through Math. :)
I've spent some new years eve nights thinking about how I would miss the last year but I am looking forward to moving on and growing this year.
build better relationships with the people I love
take time to develop my strengths and talents and put them to use
take time for each of my kids one-on-one
to try at least one new thing (hubby would be thrilled if I tried kayaking with him this summer)
to take a healthy action and turn it into a habit (8oz of water anyone?)
to read and study my Bible more
join at least one women's group for support and friendships
I can honestly say that I've done each and every one of these things. Maybe not enough that they are habit, but definitely more than I did before. We didn't go kayaking because we were too busy, not because I wouldn't so maybe this next summer (but we have to finish our house first!!).
The kids and I are all getting along really well now-much better than a year ago. The oldest is having "oh I'm leaving home in 2 years and every day is basically a countdown" thoughts. It's fun to actually see the maturing and growth before your eyes. So many times you look at your child and see them as 4 or 5 and you turn around and they are grown but I'm trying to really take the time to notice the kids and their individuality.
My beautiful cousin Rachael has won her victory over breast cancer this year. We got to see her more this year than any other year but she's been an amazing warrior and it's been a battle no one wants to go through-but if I had to, I pray I would have the strength and determination to make it through as good as she did. And she gets the great boobs in the end so I'm almost jealous ;-) Seriously, I love you Rachael and I pray 2010 will the most amazing year for you and your family.
My bio-dad somehow beat his terminal cancer diagnosis. His wife said it was the natural herbs and Native American healing rituals that she was able to cure him. I believe either Jesus wasn't ready for him to leave this world, or he was mis-diagnosed. This kind of cancer doesn't just go away, but I know his wife didn't heal him.
My marriage is as strong if not stronger than ever before. We celebrated 2 years of marriage in September and I can honestly say I've never known a love like the one we share.
We were able to buy a house this year. It's been a project and then some. We currently have no floor and we've had to remove some walls. We've had to replace some rotted floor joists but we'll be putting flooring back in soon, adding walls where we need to and then working on getting the rest of the floor done and walls painted. We might be able to move in at some point after that. :)
The kids are doing well academically and adjusting really well at their new school. Lexi is having the hardest time but I think it will get easier for her in time especially as she gets to know more kids here.
Our business is growing and is very successful. I sold 3 houses last year (unheard of for a rookie realtor in 2009 I think) and am actually looking for 3 different properties for 3 different clients right now. I could be happy with 3 deals a year in this economy. :)
My little sister is in beauty school and I had her give me hi lights the other day before Christmas. She did an amazing job and will be great at hair. I'm so proud of her. She also graduates high school this summer. I can hardly believe this little 6 year old girl that came to live with my parents 12 years ago could be such a cool and talented little sister.
It's just been an awesome year-not without tears and pain, but I feel blessed to be saying goodbye in one piece and I am anxious for the new year to begin. I am starting school Monday, with the plan to get a degree. I will get a 2 year here and then transfer for my 4 year to another college that I could do online or satellite. I'm just worried about getting through Math. :)
I've spent some new years eve nights thinking about how I would miss the last year but I am looking forward to moving on and growing this year.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thankful heart
Ok, I had started a blog and then deleted it and didn't realize it would keep the date so this was really written November 27th...lol
Yesterday (Thanksgiving) would have been my dear Grandpa's 84th birthday. He has been gone 14 years now and though the pain has slightly dimmed, not many days go by that I don't think about him or what he would think about these beautiful grandkids and great-grandkids that have been born in these 14 years that will never know what an awesome man he was. I wonder what he would have thought or said when he held his first great-granddaughter in his arms, how proud he would be of the spouses we've added to the family, and the lives we all live now.
But I AM thankful I knew him for 20 years and for the legacy he left behind. I know he prayed for us everyday and I am sad that he isn't around to give a hug or advice, but I know those prayers were heard and I am thankful for his love and example.
I am also thankful for my husband -life is busy and stressful but I couldn't have asked for a husband that loves me as much as Jeremey does. Ok, I asked God to give me one MANY times, but i didn't think it was meant to happen for me after awhile...I'm really thankful God takes better care of me and knows what I need even when I don't think I deserve it.
I am thankful for my kids. Having 3 girls between the ages of 12 and 17 should be a nightmare but it isn't. Oh, we have our moments, but I cannot complain about the love they share and friendship as sisters that they share. And a son. I had all but given up on having a boy-and I was having so much fun with a girl that I wouldn't' have known what I was missing, but he is a bright spot and can be quite the comic (he thinks). :)
I am thankful for beautiful nieces and a handsome nephew that are so smart and though they suffer some awful emotional pain, they have not forgotten how to love and still open their hearts to those that love them.
I am thankful for aunts who have been shoulders to cry on and encouragement when I was in need. They spoiled me and took me everywhere when they were in high school, invited me to stay with them, helped me learn how to dress and even curl my bangs correctly. 4 amazing aunts that I am honored to have in my life.
I am thankful for cousins. Growing up without a sister (4 of us) made us closer as friends. We have all had our moments (probably like some sisters can-but how would we know?) of pain or misunderstanding with each other (and a LOT of jealousy on my part) but there has also been a LOT of love and support. And we all had some pretty awesome brothers that have been cool playmates in the past and good uncles to our kids and friends with our husbands.
I am thankful for the painful and scary times in my life because I wouldn't appreciate my life now if I hadn't had to go through them.
And I am thankful for Jesus-willing to die for me when I was not worthy. I love the word wretch because that is what we are. Our righteousness is like filthy rags...we couldn't do it on our own. We could get hung up on the legalities of church and religion but none of that matters to me or is as important as my relationship with Jesus. And because He loves me and wants a relationship with me, I am more than grateful.
Yesterday (Thanksgiving) would have been my dear Grandpa's 84th birthday. He has been gone 14 years now and though the pain has slightly dimmed, not many days go by that I don't think about him or what he would think about these beautiful grandkids and great-grandkids that have been born in these 14 years that will never know what an awesome man he was. I wonder what he would have thought or said when he held his first great-granddaughter in his arms, how proud he would be of the spouses we've added to the family, and the lives we all live now.
But I AM thankful I knew him for 20 years and for the legacy he left behind. I know he prayed for us everyday and I am sad that he isn't around to give a hug or advice, but I know those prayers were heard and I am thankful for his love and example.
I am also thankful for my husband -life is busy and stressful but I couldn't have asked for a husband that loves me as much as Jeremey does. Ok, I asked God to give me one MANY times, but i didn't think it was meant to happen for me after awhile...I'm really thankful God takes better care of me and knows what I need even when I don't think I deserve it.
I am thankful for my kids. Having 3 girls between the ages of 12 and 17 should be a nightmare but it isn't. Oh, we have our moments, but I cannot complain about the love they share and friendship as sisters that they share. And a son. I had all but given up on having a boy-and I was having so much fun with a girl that I wouldn't' have known what I was missing, but he is a bright spot and can be quite the comic (he thinks). :)
I am thankful for beautiful nieces and a handsome nephew that are so smart and though they suffer some awful emotional pain, they have not forgotten how to love and still open their hearts to those that love them.
I am thankful for aunts who have been shoulders to cry on and encouragement when I was in need. They spoiled me and took me everywhere when they were in high school, invited me to stay with them, helped me learn how to dress and even curl my bangs correctly. 4 amazing aunts that I am honored to have in my life.
I am thankful for cousins. Growing up without a sister (4 of us) made us closer as friends. We have all had our moments (probably like some sisters can-but how would we know?) of pain or misunderstanding with each other (and a LOT of jealousy on my part) but there has also been a LOT of love and support. And we all had some pretty awesome brothers that have been cool playmates in the past and good uncles to our kids and friends with our husbands.
I am thankful for the painful and scary times in my life because I wouldn't appreciate my life now if I hadn't had to go through them.
And I am thankful for Jesus-willing to die for me when I was not worthy. I love the word wretch because that is what we are. Our righteousness is like filthy rags...we couldn't do it on our own. We could get hung up on the legalities of church and religion but none of that matters to me or is as important as my relationship with Jesus. And because He loves me and wants a relationship with me, I am more than grateful.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
worry...and a heavy heart
I think we skipped early fall and went head first into winter! The mornings and evenings are cold and the middle of the day-well it's definitley sweatshirt weather!
So much going on and yet nothing. I feel busy, like I'm always on the go but then I have to stop and think, what have I done today? I've never been in this place before and it's kind of nerve wracking. I've always had to work, always had to be the sole provider for everything: food, shelter, emotional and spiritual guidance...etc. Now, I've got this amazing husband who is the one responsible for all of that. I'm here to support him and help him when he needs it but I'm not supposed to worry about it right? I love the life we have, I love getting to go to work with him-the talks we get to have on the way to a customer and sometimes, the silence and comfort of just being together.
So the worrier in me, the one who has always HAD to be responsible for everything, feels guilty that I am not working a 9-5. I don't have young kids at home to raise and it's not like we couldn't use more income (it would help speed the process along with the house for sure!) but the doors just don't open for jobs that I apply for. I don't know if that means God is ok with me right where I am needing to learn to trust in Him for everything. He is Jehovah Jireh, I've been singing that song probably since before I could pronounce Jehovah...but do I really lean on Him? Is looking for and applying for jobs just being proactive or is it leaning on my OWN understanding?
It would be easy to get comfortable being my husbands helper but is that enough? I've never had anyone WANT to be that role in my life...what if he gets tired of me doing so little? I guess that's what I'm really afraid of. I know that we are in this marriage until the good Lord calls one or both of us Home...but that fear of not doing enough keeps taunting me. It's so funny, I worry about this SO much and yet I am sitting here trying to remember ONE time Jeremey has asked me to get a job. He hasn't...he's asked me to put more into helping him grow Acme when he needs me but he's never asked me to go look outside the home or our business. I need peace when it comes to being the wife that is taken care of. The Proverbs 31 woman wasn't lazy and didn't NOT work, but she tended to the affairs of their business and home. I guess I dont' see what I do as work...am I a prideful woman that needs praise and adoration to make me feel useful? no wonder I'm in a funk. :( I always want to do what is right in the sight of God and my husband but I guess I fight myself more than anyone could ever do anymore.
AND aside from me, I have been made aware of a situation that involves someone I love dearly. I feel that the situation will cause this person a lot of pain and my heart breaks for him but there truly is no other way for the situation to be worked out.
Growing up and seeing how other little girls had relationships with their dad's and were adored by their daddy's, I sometimes wished this man could be my dad and while that isn't what God chose for me, I love him and my heart aches for the pain I expect he'll be experiencing the next few months...I am praying for him and everyone involved, that is all I can do.
When this song first came out I couldn't get enough of it...I was struggling with anxiety. sometimes even leaving the house, going to places where I wouldn't know anyone caused me so much pain. I would listen to this song over and over and know that I kept holding those chains that were keeping me down-I need to remember these lyrics whenever I keep hanging on to those things that aren't of God: (I put the song on here to the left in case you haven't heard it before)
All my chains I can't disengage
And I don't believe that I want to
One hand sings your praise
The other brings me shame
I have selfishness to blame
And I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one
Praying to the one
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for change
Broken down I lay
I keep holding my chains
No longer bound but here I stay
I scream Father please
I need rescuing
I need You and You alone
And I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one
Praying to the one
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for (change)
Still You patiently await
Yet I won't just let go I see
You and You alone
Saying freedom
And so I'm singing for freedom
The time has come separation lost the war to love
Take my hand gace has found you where You once began
You're Alive! You're Alive! in the waking of new life
Take my hand in the end there's only love
There's only love
There's only singing for freeom
I know I'm not only one
Praying to the One
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for I'm ready for...
Father please I need rescuing I need You and You alone
So much going on and yet nothing. I feel busy, like I'm always on the go but then I have to stop and think, what have I done today? I've never been in this place before and it's kind of nerve wracking. I've always had to work, always had to be the sole provider for everything: food, shelter, emotional and spiritual guidance...etc. Now, I've got this amazing husband who is the one responsible for all of that. I'm here to support him and help him when he needs it but I'm not supposed to worry about it right? I love the life we have, I love getting to go to work with him-the talks we get to have on the way to a customer and sometimes, the silence and comfort of just being together.
So the worrier in me, the one who has always HAD to be responsible for everything, feels guilty that I am not working a 9-5. I don't have young kids at home to raise and it's not like we couldn't use more income (it would help speed the process along with the house for sure!) but the doors just don't open for jobs that I apply for. I don't know if that means God is ok with me right where I am needing to learn to trust in Him for everything. He is Jehovah Jireh, I've been singing that song probably since before I could pronounce Jehovah...but do I really lean on Him? Is looking for and applying for jobs just being proactive or is it leaning on my OWN understanding?
It would be easy to get comfortable being my husbands helper but is that enough? I've never had anyone WANT to be that role in my life...what if he gets tired of me doing so little? I guess that's what I'm really afraid of. I know that we are in this marriage until the good Lord calls one or both of us Home...but that fear of not doing enough keeps taunting me. It's so funny, I worry about this SO much and yet I am sitting here trying to remember ONE time Jeremey has asked me to get a job. He hasn't...he's asked me to put more into helping him grow Acme when he needs me but he's never asked me to go look outside the home or our business. I need peace when it comes to being the wife that is taken care of. The Proverbs 31 woman wasn't lazy and didn't NOT work, but she tended to the affairs of their business and home. I guess I dont' see what I do as work...am I a prideful woman that needs praise and adoration to make me feel useful? no wonder I'm in a funk. :( I always want to do what is right in the sight of God and my husband but I guess I fight myself more than anyone could ever do anymore.
AND aside from me, I have been made aware of a situation that involves someone I love dearly. I feel that the situation will cause this person a lot of pain and my heart breaks for him but there truly is no other way for the situation to be worked out.
Growing up and seeing how other little girls had relationships with their dad's and were adored by their daddy's, I sometimes wished this man could be my dad and while that isn't what God chose for me, I love him and my heart aches for the pain I expect he'll be experiencing the next few months...I am praying for him and everyone involved, that is all I can do.
When this song first came out I couldn't get enough of it...I was struggling with anxiety. sometimes even leaving the house, going to places where I wouldn't know anyone caused me so much pain. I would listen to this song over and over and know that I kept holding those chains that were keeping me down-I need to remember these lyrics whenever I keep hanging on to those things that aren't of God: (I put the song on here to the left in case you haven't heard it before)
All my chains I can't disengage
And I don't believe that I want to
One hand sings your praise
The other brings me shame
I have selfishness to blame
And I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one
Praying to the one
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for change
Broken down I lay
I keep holding my chains
No longer bound but here I stay
I scream Father please
I need rescuing
I need You and You alone
And I'm singing for freedom
I know I'm not the only one
Praying to the one
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for (change)
Still You patiently await
Yet I won't just let go I see
You and You alone
Saying freedom
And so I'm singing for freedom
The time has come separation lost the war to love
Take my hand gace has found you where You once began
You're Alive! You're Alive! in the waking of new life
Take my hand in the end there's only love
There's only love
There's only singing for freeom
I know I'm not only one
Praying to the One
Who can bring me this freedom
I'm ready for I'm ready for...
Father please I need rescuing I need You and You alone
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Our Anniversary
today is the 2 year anniversary of me being Mrs. Weeks. It's been an awesome, crazy, sometimes chaotic 2 years, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. We had to do some work for a customer this morning, but afterwards we went to lunch, a coffee shop (and read sitting on a loveseat together), and then to a movie (The Proposal). It was a quiet day, one without the usual hoopla of an anniversary and yet, I sit here feeling loved and complete.
It's been a beautiful day, spent loving each other and I'm so thankful to have been blessed with his love. Some days I wonder how in the world he could love me the way he does and a still, small voice says "how much more does God love you?".
My past has left me short in the feeling loved department. Some people 'in the church' describe God as a Father who loves you more than anything and wants the best for you etc. But they don't realize that for people who have never felt that love from an earthly father, really have no concept of what that means. I got a glimpse when Lexi was born of how much He must love me from a parent's standpoint. But little children are supposed to love their parents and parents are supposed to love them. The love in a marriage is someone that loves you with everything in them, when they don't have to. I am truly grateful for not only a husband that loves me and cherishes me, but one who is also a Christian. I like not having to be the head of the house, the sole decision maker...I have a partner in everything I do and it's been amazing. I thank God for everyday that He gives me and Jeremey together and I pray for many, many more days, months, and years.
It's been a beautiful day, spent loving each other and I'm so thankful to have been blessed with his love. Some days I wonder how in the world he could love me the way he does and a still, small voice says "how much more does God love you?".
My past has left me short in the feeling loved department. Some people 'in the church' describe God as a Father who loves you more than anything and wants the best for you etc. But they don't realize that for people who have never felt that love from an earthly father, really have no concept of what that means. I got a glimpse when Lexi was born of how much He must love me from a parent's standpoint. But little children are supposed to love their parents and parents are supposed to love them. The love in a marriage is someone that loves you with everything in them, when they don't have to. I am truly grateful for not only a husband that loves me and cherishes me, but one who is also a Christian. I like not having to be the head of the house, the sole decision maker...I have a partner in everything I do and it's been amazing. I thank God for everyday that He gives me and Jeremey together and I pray for many, many more days, months, and years.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
My heart is full...
of joy, peace, love, contentment, satisfaction...the list goes on. Life has a way of making you stand still and reassess where you are and where you need to be.
I never dreamed life could be like this; I need order, I need to know where the next paycheck is going to come from and when, I need to know what my plans are for next week because I just do. That's how I function and yet I am here waiting to get to the next step of fixing our house so we can move in. The job I wanted didn't work out, so what? Did I really say that? Yep. The house is ours now, it will still be there next week and next month (whether we are living in it is another issue entirely) and it's ok that we aren't any further than we are.
What surprises me is that I'm really ok with it. Not forever obviously, but we are safe, have a roof over our heads, income coming in, healthy and happy kids, food on the table...and I have the one thing I thought would elude me forever, an amazing husband and friend. Someone who loves me in the good times AND the bad, who doesn't see the flaws and imperfections that I do when I look in the mirror. And that is why I can sit here not knowing what the future holds and be content.
The adult Sunday School class at our new church got put off a week because they'd had 2 funerals the 2 days before. Since I was there early with the kids, I sat and read my Bible. Some notes I had written in the margin of Nehemiah caught my eye from a great study I sat in under Mike Sasso of Calvary Chapel Boise (GREAT Wednesday night teacher btw!). I sat and read the first few chapters and thought about some of the things I have learned since then. I was in a fairly contemplative mood and then time for the sermon and guess what? We were in Nehemiah 1! I can change a lot of things in my life, but I can't change many things in LIFE...I will focus on what I can change (do I really need that 5th Oreo?) and let go of the things I can't (why do people make stupid, rash decisions about things that affect not only them, but everyone around them??).
Amber came to us the other night wanting to join a band with some kids at school. They would only practice 1 night a week and possibly play some gigs at the local coffee house. We discussed with her some pros and cons-my answer was no, because and stated my reasons: , Jeremey's was yes, as long as conditions had to be met. I will honestly say I was upset that he ok'd it. For one thing, in the 20 minutes she spent talking about this group of kids, she explained that she and both of the guys had discussed going out as an option but that they weren't and well, you've only been in school 3 weeks with these kids. Going out with a guy is/should be about more than the flavor of the week or because you are the new girl. But I also respect Jeremey as my husband and if he is ok with it then all I can do is pray she makes healthy decisions. She came to us last night and said that she thought about all the things I'd said and it made sense and she decided not to join the band. I have to say I was relieved that she gave all of our discussion some thought and not just what she wanted to hear which was yes. That does a mom's heart good let me tell ya.
Well I'm sitting here feeling loved and content, wanting for nothing because I have it all. I truly am blessed and so thankful for God's love poured out on us in all the different ways only He can do.
I never dreamed life could be like this; I need order, I need to know where the next paycheck is going to come from and when, I need to know what my plans are for next week because I just do. That's how I function and yet I am here waiting to get to the next step of fixing our house so we can move in. The job I wanted didn't work out, so what? Did I really say that? Yep. The house is ours now, it will still be there next week and next month (whether we are living in it is another issue entirely) and it's ok that we aren't any further than we are.
What surprises me is that I'm really ok with it. Not forever obviously, but we are safe, have a roof over our heads, income coming in, healthy and happy kids, food on the table...and I have the one thing I thought would elude me forever, an amazing husband and friend. Someone who loves me in the good times AND the bad, who doesn't see the flaws and imperfections that I do when I look in the mirror. And that is why I can sit here not knowing what the future holds and be content.
The adult Sunday School class at our new church got put off a week because they'd had 2 funerals the 2 days before. Since I was there early with the kids, I sat and read my Bible. Some notes I had written in the margin of Nehemiah caught my eye from a great study I sat in under Mike Sasso of Calvary Chapel Boise (GREAT Wednesday night teacher btw!). I sat and read the first few chapters and thought about some of the things I have learned since then. I was in a fairly contemplative mood and then time for the sermon and guess what? We were in Nehemiah 1! I can change a lot of things in my life, but I can't change many things in LIFE...I will focus on what I can change (do I really need that 5th Oreo?) and let go of the things I can't (why do people make stupid, rash decisions about things that affect not only them, but everyone around them??).
Amber came to us the other night wanting to join a band with some kids at school. They would only practice 1 night a week and possibly play some gigs at the local coffee house. We discussed with her some pros and cons-my answer was no, because and stated my reasons: , Jeremey's was yes, as long as conditions had to be met. I will honestly say I was upset that he ok'd it. For one thing, in the 20 minutes she spent talking about this group of kids, she explained that she and both of the guys had discussed going out as an option but that they weren't and well, you've only been in school 3 weeks with these kids. Going out with a guy is/should be about more than the flavor of the week or because you are the new girl. But I also respect Jeremey as my husband and if he is ok with it then all I can do is pray she makes healthy decisions. She came to us last night and said that she thought about all the things I'd said and it made sense and she decided not to join the band. I have to say I was relieved that she gave all of our discussion some thought and not just what she wanted to hear which was yes. That does a mom's heart good let me tell ya.
Well I'm sitting here feeling loved and content, wanting for nothing because I have it all. I truly am blessed and so thankful for God's love poured out on us in all the different ways only He can do.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Peter
today's message was in Acts 27:9-41.
Rev. Gene made a lot of great points but the thing that stood out to me the most was how Peter warned the Captain of the ship that all would be lost if they set sail but the Captain didn't heed the advice. Before very long a hurricane force (that's rough if you've never experienced one by the way) wind came along. Then: 21After the men had gone a long time without food, Paul stood up before them and said: "Men, you should have taken my advice not to sail from Crete; then you would have spared yourselves this damage and loss. 22But now I urge you to keep up your courage, because not one of you will be lost; only the ship will be destroyed. 23Last night an angel of the God whose I am and whom I serve stood beside me 24and said, 'Do not be afraid, Paul. You must stand trial before Caesar; and God has graciously given you the lives of all who sail with you.' 25So keep up your courage, men, for I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me. 26Nevertheless, we must run aground on some island."
Note that Peter had been shipwrecked 3 times before this...I would like to think that he knew what he was talking about. They failed to heed sound advice, they had to suffer the consequences. And even though they were assured they would survive, they still had to deal with some of the repurcussions of not listening in the first place.
I guess it's human nature to want to think we know better than others. That we don't need their advice and sometimes we do get a 'way out' of the mess we were in...but it doesn't mean we are safe from the consequences. And sometimes there are tears and heartache along the way. I would hope that we would use whatever experience we have gone through to grow, and learn a little about ourselves and life. And growing closer to Christ, well, what better reward could we receive even though we don't deserve it?
Rev. Gene made a lot of great points but the thing that stood out to me the most was how Peter warned the Captain of the ship that all would be lost if they set sail but the Captain didn't heed the advice. Before very long a hurricane force (that's rough if you've never experienced one by the way) wind came along. Then: 21After the men had gone a long time without food, Paul stood up before them and said: "Men, you should have taken my advice not to sail from Crete; then you would have spared yourselves this damage and loss. 22But now I urge you to keep up your courage, because not one of you will be lost; only the ship will be destroyed. 23Last night an angel of the God whose I am and whom I serve stood beside me 24and said, 'Do not be afraid, Paul. You must stand trial before Caesar; and God has graciously given you the lives of all who sail with you.' 25So keep up your courage, men, for I have faith in God that it will happen just as he told me. 26Nevertheless, we must run aground on some island."
Note that Peter had been shipwrecked 3 times before this...I would like to think that he knew what he was talking about. They failed to heed sound advice, they had to suffer the consequences. And even though they were assured they would survive, they still had to deal with some of the repurcussions of not listening in the first place.
I guess it's human nature to want to think we know better than others. That we don't need their advice and sometimes we do get a 'way out' of the mess we were in...but it doesn't mean we are safe from the consequences. And sometimes there are tears and heartache along the way. I would hope that we would use whatever experience we have gone through to grow, and learn a little about ourselves and life. And growing closer to Christ, well, what better reward could we receive even though we don't deserve it?
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