Life moves so fast. Some days I find myself longing for a few minutes of peace and quiet. If it's too quiet, I turn on music or a movie to have some background noise. In the last 6 months I have been witness to some of the most amazing sunsets. If I had a camera, I would have stopped right there on the side of the highway and taken pictures. My husband pointed out that I have an iPhone and it takes decent pictures so why didn't I just use it? Why didn't I?
There is something to be said for holding a camera in your hands, snapping some shots, and then waiting for the pictures to be developed to see 'how you did'. The instant gratification of the modern life wears me down sometimes. Convenience has made us desire instant gratification...but what about the times when you want life to slow down? And how do you appreciate it when you get it?

When I get what I want, am I truly happy? Sometimes I feel like I don't really know what I want. I mean, I have a bucket list of things I'd like to do someday when the kids are gone, or when I've lost weight, or we have more money or...

I find myself asking what it is I truly want. What do I want to be said about me when I pass from this life? What do I want from myself? What do I want from others? I don't always know the answer. Do I have to know it?

I missed you

Two full months since I've posted. wow. It's not that I don't have a lot on my mind...sometimes things will happen, a comment will be made, I read something, or have an epiphany and I think to myself, I need to blog about this. But then I don't.

So while I've had all this good 'stuff' to share, needs to be met, or just need that 'me' time, I put it off until later and then...well, nothing.

I think our spiritual walks can be like that. We are going through a situation here where I'm not happy with the direction it's going. I cannot write or preach the sermons that will speak to people. I can share what is on my heart though. I can use encouraging words to lift up someone else. But what about when it's me that needs encouragement? Where are the people that are supposed to be holding MY hand?

I'm already worn thin. I'm too tired to read the Bible, I don't know where to start...I want to go with a particular study-but I have to pick one...so many great teachers...the list goes on. Sometimes I think that if I don't study the Bible, then I let other things go as well (like blogging) because at some point, it registers that I need to make the Bible study time a priority, not an if-I-have-a-few-extra-minutes today thing. Then it's 9pm and I wonder what I've done all day. Nothing productive spiritually, didn't network-so nothing to help my business, never home in time to make dinner for my family...

I'm a planner. I have to plan everything way ahead of time. Spontaneity isn't really in my list of fun things to do. So I'm going to start May off right and plan in my study time, my networking, my business, my family and my ME time. Even if that's just 30 minutes on the Wii by myself...it's something right?

I found I can be my own worst enemy most days. I sit in front of a computer and I can read blog posts, sermons, study food/nutrition/weight loss etc., but I look up and hours have gone by and while reading someone else's amazing thoughts, I have lost the time I should have given myself.

I don't know if this makes sense, or if anyone even reads this anymore...but I have some work to do.

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eyebrows...

I've never given much thought to them. They are there, sitting on my forehead, looking like fuzzy caterpillars riding on my eyeglasses. I see some ladies that must go to some extremes to have these little tiny things that look like they drew eyeliner on their forehead. Now, I totally understand those with medical conditions or going through chemotherapy that need to do that (but dark dark brown???) so I'm not making fun of anyone.

However, I go to my cousin's makeup counter to have her help me with brightening my eyes. This extended cold, fall-less winter has got me down. The first thing she does, is come at me with tweezers saying, "You need to tweeze these Charity". But that hurts!! And I sit with tears rolling down my cheeks as she proceeds to 'tweeze' (never, never, say pluck around a cosmetologist/makeup person) more eyebrows than I thought I had on my forehead.

I look in the mirror and think to myself, "hmmm, that does look better". Do you think I can stand to do it to myself? No. I choose a worse torture. I go to a salon and pay someone to put hot wax on my eyebrow and then yank the hairs out by the root. Does it hurt? You bet! But the pain is swift and over within seconds.

Why would I prefer a quick, intense, pain over a few moments of less intense pain or (gasp!) NO pain?

It's kind of like life, having pretty eyebrows.

• You can leave them big and bushy. That's right. Stay comfortable and don't go out of your way to make any changes. Cosmetic or not, if it's painful, don't bother.
• You can tweeze a few hairs out at a time, but I find that if I go it alone, they are uneven, shapeless, and after awhile, I don't see any results.
• You can go hardcore and wax those suckers. The pain is fast and intense. Sometimes your heart starts beating so fast you worry you might pass out from the pain. You are under intense scrutiny (by someone you barely know, if at all), and you will probably walk out of there with your skin looking like you  had an accident with a blow torch. But when the pain subsides, and the redness goes away, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and say "Wow, that was SO worth the pain". 

We do that in life too right? Like, many of us, don't enjoy pain. What kind of fool would admit to that? So I'm going to just put it out there. When it comes to my health, when it comes to meeting my family's needs, when it comes to my walk with Christ, I want the wax. I don't want to take the easy way out with life. I don't want to go through a little pain everyday. I want to go through it, full throttle. I know that the pain is temporary and when the pain is gone and the redness goes away...the result will be beautiful.

James 1:2 NLT

Reading

I am all about the written word. I love words. I love reading. I love talking. I am a social person (when in my comfort zone). When asked what I would do with an hour of free, uninterrupted time, my answer would be give me a book, a comfortable chair, and my mocha.

I am kind of a genre snob. I will say right now, I am not interested in, nor will I be reading anything with Vampires. I don't care much for Sci-Fi or Fantasy. Murder is borderline-give me a mystery with murder written by Dick Francis or John Grisham, I'm perfectly happy, but none of this graphic gore. I am also not into the smutty romances. I have a steamin' hot love life and don't care to read about anyone else's.

I happen to be one of those people that believe we need to be true to ethics and ideals, even in choosing what to read. I haven't read very many books that I don't like (I can probably count on both hands in my lifetime the books I've been angry once I finished reading it because of the waste of my time). I think I've only started to read 3 books in the last year (2010) that I couldn't finish because they were too weird, stupid, or just NOT my thing. However, most books, I will finish, even if I don't like it. I feel like I owe my husband an apology,  and I need to give a book he recommended to me 4 years ago, another try. It was sci-fi so I'd already decided I didn't like it before I even opened the first page.

However, I just started a book club and our first official book is Eat Pray Love. I really liked the first section where she was in Italy. Now, I'm in the middle where she is in India and I'm having a hard time with the Eastern Religion and meditating etc. These are my personal opinions so don't get your panties in a wad...I believe in meditating on God, on the Word (in Scripture-which for me, would be the Holy Bible). I am also a bit offended at the grouping of all religions as if Jesus and Buddah are equals because to me, they are not. SO, I'm really struggling with it. Being the leader of the group, I feel bad that I let someone else suggest the book to other poor, unsuspecting souls. I will finish the book because of the book club, but I find I may skip the rest of the trip in India.

Whatsoever things are pure, holy and just, think on these things....Phillipians 4:8

Weight Loss

Ok, I've updated my weight loss blog too. It was kind of freeing in a way.

Anyways, if you want to read it: gettingtherechair.blogspot.com

I got signed up for something called BlogFrog. I'm still not sure how that happened. I have come across a few new blogs I enjoy reading, but I'm just not ready for all the world to know my failings...which are many. So anyways, I might have changed the privacy settings on that one. If you want to read it, let me know and I'll send you an invite.

Feeling blue today-besides the fact that it is really stinking cold (30 degrees), Jeremey is sitting in the Salt Lake City airport waiting to board a plane for Austin (at least I think that is the final destination). I think this is the first night we've spent apart since December 2009! Well, of course, when I stayed at my brothers house we weren't together, but at least we were in the same town. He gets there late tonight, works tomorrow and then his plane gets to Boise at 11:47pm...add an hour drive to that with getting luggage etc.,

I decided to do a few returns tonight since the little ones will be at the house the rest of the week. This will give me some alone time as well...even though it's just not the same. To me, great alone time would be getting a pedicure or a massage...but, I'll choose to enjoy it, run my errands quickly so I can get home and curl up on the couch to watch The Biggest Loser. And without him there to laugh at me, I can cry if I want to. haha

kids!?!?!

It's been a busy year...all 9 days of it seem to have been non-stop. We took last Sunday off from church (not good, I know) and spent the day together alone, then spent the week working at the store.

Amber has joined a women's soccer league and her games were scheduled for Friday and Saturday (apparently they change the schedule at will and its your responsibility to look). She played Friday night and then Saturday, we all went to the store and Jeremey and I and the 2 oldest, got haircuts. I told Amber to just get a trim and not a new hairstyle since her senior pictures were scheduled for today. When she came out, she had a new style.

This morning, while getting ready for church, she came in the bathroom and said "Mom, what do I do? I hate it!" I am not taking the blame for that one...and I told her so. The next time I saw her was at church and she looked like the lead singer for Def Lepard...it was awful. My cousin Taylor came over to try to make it look nice for the pictures (which it did) and did her makeup, after she had a hysterical crying fit about how she doesn't understand or know what senior pictures are about. WHAT?!?! I told her over a week ago to plan on a couple different outfits as well as what to NOT do with her hair...we'll get the pictures in a couple weeks.

Lexi got asked out by the boy she likes. He took her on a date today (with his mom as chaperone) to see the latest Narnia movie in 3D. She said they had a good time and I really like the kid. haha :)

My brother showed up a church with a girl I've never even heard him talk about before. Guess we'll see how long this lasts. She seemed nice and fixed the little girls' hair with curls and had them in dresses. If she is the right one, I hope it works out.

Well time for a new week to start.